Pepper in Some Irritation

I am easily irritated. Not easily made mad. Easily irritated. When a person irritates me (people are usually what irritate me), chances are they will never know I was even remotely irritated. Why? Because that's my job. And the only emotion I can show is that of pure excitement and joy to serve you, the guest. GO TEAM!

When going out to dinner, the server is taken for granted by nearly every guest.
Work doesn't irritate me. I love my job. However the people I come in contact with, down right irritating sometimes. Case in point, Wednesday evening, table 1.

Hi, welcome to Chili's. My name is Deidre, I'll be
I'll have a Diet Coke, he'll have a water.
*yay interruptions!*
...Okay, would you like to start out with some
No.
...Let me get those drinks for you. :)
---
I asked for no ice in my Diet Coke.
*no she didn't*
Oh, yes ma'am my mistake, I'm sorry, I'll fix you a new one.
---
Are you ready to order or do you need some more time?
We're not ready.
Okay I'll come back.
---
Do you have any questions or are you ready?
I have a question. Could you give us MORE time?
Yes ma'am.
*this is retarded, it's been almost ten minutes since they opened the menu*

some time later--

Ma'am. MA'AM!
*the woman is shouting at me because I haven't taken her order I assume. She probably
thinks I'm neglecting her. And why is she calling me ma'am, I'm fucking nineteen years old.*
Yes? :)
We're ready now. He'll have the Triple the Cheese Big Mouth Burger.
Is medium-well okay on that?
No. No pink. We don't want no pink.
*don't want no. My God.*
All right, well done it is.
And I'll have the Cobb Salad. No corn relish, no eggs, grilled chicken not fried, no
fried chicken, put some of them tortilla strips on there, and extra bacon.
*wow. I hate you. I hate you because you said the word TOR-TILL-A not TOR-TEE-YA. You
redneck son of a bee.*
All right, I'll put that in for you. :)
I'm not done. I want two sides of ranch. ON THE SIDE, you got that? No dressing on top. I also want romaine lettuce, not iceberg.
Wow, that's QUITE a salad. Is that all?
I need another Diet Coke.
Absolutely.
*you don't NEED a damn thing*
No ice!
Yes ma'am, I remember.
*I overhear the woman saying "well she didn't remember the first time."
So, this woman is a bitch and the reason people want to carry firearms.

After I get my other tables everything they need, because believe it or not! I have other people to take care of and cannot spend all my time catering to this old hag, I then put their order in. They can wait. :P You shouldn't fuck with people that are in charge of your food, honestly.
This is what their order looks like on the screen in the kitchen.
Keep in mind this is only for TWO people.
01 DEIDRE 4:13
THREECHZ
W
COBB SAL
*86
L
*ADD
ROM
*86
SAL GARN
EGGS
CK 4
*ADD
FRIED
CK 4
TORT STRIPS
*ADD
*EXTRA
BAC
*ON SIDE
R
R
SEE SERVER

I've had parties with eight people and their order isn't even that long. The cooks aren't going to understand half of that because sometimes we don't have the right buttons to press to describe what we need, so I try to get creative but it doesn't always work. In fact, I could put $500 on the line and tell you that the order, isn't going to come out right. Now I have to go explain to the cooks what this bitch wants.
Oh, and I pushed SEE SERVER because I want to alert everyone that I have a
Category 8 Bitch. Welcome to Chili's.
I've brought her several Diet Cokes. So many that the word Diet, has kind of lost its
meaning.

Their food is ready. I bring it out and I'm holding my breath it's right. It looked
right to me.

Here we go, Triple the Cheese Big Mouth Burger and a MODIFIED Cobb Salad. Can I get you anything else?
That's not what he ordered.
*well technically YOU ordered for him, but yeah, that's the Triple the Cheese*
Yes ma'am, you ordered for him the Triple the Cheese Big Mouth Burger, that's what's
right here.
No. I ordered the Big Mouth Burger Bites.
*no you fucking did not!*
Well, I apologize for the mistake but I can go ahead and take this burger back, and have them fix you up some Big Mouth Bites, well done, no pink. :)
Yeah right! You couldn't get it right the first time, I'm not waiting for you to mess it up a second time!
*I want to twist your head around and pop it off like a Barbie doll you fat evil whore of a woman*
Well, what would you like for me to do? I'm sure my manager would be more than willing to comp this burger, it will be no charge to you.
Yeah whatever, that's fine.
Okay. :)

It's times like these I wish we had a punching bag in the back, or at least a sound proof room. Instead I go and vent my frustrations to the bartender, who is also my boyfriend, and he laughs which doesn't really help me any. I tell him they won't tip me and he has hope and says "you might be surprised."
I check back in on Category 8 Bitch and Mr. Silent and she needs something, who would have thought.

Can I get some EXTRA bacon? Gah damn, this ain't enough. When I said extra I meant the original amount AND THEN SOME.
Yes ma'am, I'll be right back.
*CHOKE ON YOUR BACON YOU FAT BROAD! UUUUGGGGHHHH. I hate bacon. It's disgusting.*

She is content, chomping down on her uber-modified Cobb Salad with a pound of nasty bacon particles. I refuse to refill her Diet Coke anymore. I don't even care at this point. Just want them to GTFO (get the fuck out).

I bring her the bill, it's only $10.96 because the burger was free. She didn't deserve it though.
She hands me eleven dollars and asks for change.
What. The. Fuck. It's only four cents what the fuck you gonna do with four cents! Tell me please!
She takes it.
Nothing. Nothing is on the table. Thank you Category 8 Bitch, for your generosity. You gave me hell for one hour and 11 minutes, you left behind a damn near licked clean plate but what's this? IT'S BACON! The "extra" bacon I brought her, she didn't even touch.
I hate her. I hate her!

I get a hug from the bartender. I feel a little better.